I am so sorry!

I think i should say sorry to all my online friends especially to my big sis, francesca.
Actually, I got my first love before. Even thought i dont really think that she's my first love. Yeah! I aren't typing the wrong words. It's a she. I think the reason i could met her is because of Fate. I still appreciate everything happened last time even i don't really like it and i think it's an ugly memories for me. So, i will tell out everything now.

I met her few years ago and i knew her because of Band! She's a trumpet player and i am the clarinetist. We were both junior even thought she's one year older than me. I couple with her last year during October. And i'm the one who chase her because of the "love at the first sight". I keep message her and she was always free to reply me. After 3 months, i told her that i fall for her. But she said she need some time to think about it. For sure my answer is Okay! No problem. We still chat for everyday but the think make me feel really pissed off is she always treat me like a stranger when we're at school. No matter how sweet the messages she have sent to me last night, she will still treat me as stranger on the next day.

One day, my mum read my message. My mum asked me who that fella is! I just stay quit and walk out from the house. At that momment, i know that the relationship between me and her is totally impossible. And i am really thinking hard about " our future". We still continued our life style like last time after this. We still message each other and nothing happen other than that.

Things continue until the end of the year. I started to avoid her after i realised that i am just admire her and not fall for her. I know i am cruel but there's the only things i can do at that momment. She didnt realise at first and soon, she knew about it. Everyday, she will message me even thought she know i wont reply her messages. She kept telling me how much she miss me but i didnt even reply once. She tried to called me but i didnt answer. She wrote on her blog how much she love me and the pain of thinking on someone who don't like her anymore. I hope to reply but still, nothing i do.

One day, i receive another message from her. She said she hope i will tell her even if i want to brake up with her. She don't want to continue the life like this. And finally, i reply her. I said, I want to brake up with you. She reply me why and i said, she stres me a lot and i am just admire her not love her. She reply me just few words. And that few words make me feel so sorry to her. She said, I am crying. She hope we're still friend and i said okay! But i didnt even reply her after these happened like last time. No matter she asked for my friends phone number, or just asking something bored, i DIDNT reply her once.

She wrote on her blog and called me to see it. This what she wrote there : "I think we shouldn't be friend. Not even a normal friend like last time. I wish you will get the happiness and May God Bless You. Goodbye, my ex-lover." That's my story. I really dont think that she's my first love. And so i tell francesca at LJ that i didnt even have my first love.

Big sis Francesca,
I am sure you're thinking that i am lesbian or i lie to you now. But i really didnt mean to bluff you because i don't really think that that's my first love. I am really sorry, big sis. I shouldn't lie to you. Sorry..

I hope she will forgive me. Even thought i know i deserve it but... I am really sorry. And that's the story between me and a girl that everyone called it as my first love.