My National Service (NS) Letter, My Past, New Me.

Today, i received my NS letter. Before i opened it up, there's a lot of things pop out from my mind. Example :
'I will be lonely there, I will celebrate my birthday alone there, My 18 years old birthday will just over like that, My friends and family no one gonna visit me there'
My thinking is totally negative during that time. Tears too drop down without I realise. I always rely on others if something happened to me. I always try to run away from the problem and never try to face the problem. I always blame on others if something goes wrong. I will not admit and face it but choose to denied it run away from it. Maybe i am 18 years old after my birthday, but my mind is always 8 years old.
A kid will not responsible on anything. A kid will be loved by everyone. A kid can choose to blame on others if something happen. A kid can denied when something he did goes wrong. I have all the personality that a kid have.
I don't want to study the course my dad choose for me, because i want to let him know that i dont need him to decide everything for me. Maybe, i purposely choose the course he think that is no future to make him angry. Maybe, i purposely choose mass communication just to let him know that i can still do it without him.
But, i forget something important. I forget that parents only give everything BEST to their children. Sometimes, they might forget about the freedom they should give to their children at the right time, but that is 1 of the way the protect their children. I always think about my parents didnt give me freedom, they like to decide everything without asking me, they dont respect me, and many things else.
I am wrong. Totally wrong now. I am regret at this momment. But no one know. I should study hard since Form 1 to Form 5, but i didnt. I should give up something i interested with during exam, but i didnt. I should study hard during SPM, but i didnt. Now result cames out and my result is worst. I blame on this and that, but i always forget to blame myself.
I really hope that they will forgive me and give me another chance. I will study hard for my Form 6, be more confident to myself, be more descipline, and also be more independent.

Sorry. (SiowYong)