我现在才发现到，为何当时我朋友都说我讲话不经过大脑。
其实，我真的没有要伤害你的意思..
当时看见她哭的时候，我只想着怎么让她不哭，所以就乱说话，只想着怎么逗她开心...
我真的很抱歉..
我真的是无心的..
对不起..
Monday, September 6, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
I am the MOST stupid people.
Today i went to college by train as usual. Nothing different. But! Today i thought he gonna fetch me back, so i purposely match my shirt and pants nicely. I was excited to see him, and to meet him. Seems like things doesnt go that smooth as i thought.. When around 4pm, I ask the permission from my maths lecturer, Ms. Jas Kaur to let go of me because I called my friend to fetch me. Yet, I run to the front part and look around, there's no him. So, i went to Metropolitan that part to find for the Ms. Chong as my buddy asked me to ask her something. After everything solve, the time shown is already 4.15pm. I walking with big big step and rush to the front. Again, he not there. I call him, and he do answer my phone. He told me that he's sleeping and he forget to message me that he skipped the class today. I said fine and i cut off the line. I was really mad, but there's no way for me to spread out my anger. Until my buddy called me and asked about her things, only i told her everything. My tears was about to drop when i telling her about this. That's a promise you know? If he couldn't do it, why earlier he want to promise me?
I wish that i was brave enough so i will message him and call him not to fetch me anymore. But, i know i still hope to see him. My friends all call me to scold him, but... should i? I dont know. I really confused now. Maybe... I should take out my courage and scold him and leave him. But, there's only maybe. I knew i wont dare to do that. Haiiih... That's all for today. I am tired.
Too tired.....
I wish that i was brave enough so i will message him and call him not to fetch me anymore. But, i know i still hope to see him. My friends all call me to scold him, but... should i? I dont know. I really confused now. Maybe... I should take out my courage and scold him and leave him. But, there's only maybe. I knew i wont dare to do that. Haiiih... That's all for today. I am tired.
Too tired.....
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Backiie [ PLKN Part 2]
Welcome back to here again! =)
Now, let's continue the topic of my 3 months PLKN Life. Before that post was about my teachers there, and now, i will talk about my friends there.
I get a lot of new friends there! Everyone come from different places! It's nice and..very nice? That's really my first thought when i be with them. They're all very nice and very friendly to new people or maybe.. the new friends they know.
*shall i mention out all their name? hmm.. should be fine*
Mike, Huey, Teng, Anna, Leng, Jo, Ning, Yuan, and Me. *Chinese + Girls Gang* 9 of us are from Selangor. Selangor reach there earlier a day than those from Perak and Kelantan. We know each other after we finish packing all our things in our own dorm. Some of us get to be in the same dorm, while some not. Anyway! On the second day, we know Jessie, Jacelyn, Liau. 3 of them are from Perak. We all having fun on the first week after knowing each other.
Problem started coming to us on the second weeks. Some of our member hate Leng because they felt she always try to act close with those who not really being close to her. So Leng got kicked. After that, we got to know 4 more friends from Perak which is Kei, YiYi, Pin, and Tieng. After few days or maybe a week, i been the second people who got kicked out from the gang. The reason i got kicked is because I always came out late. I dont know who got kicked after me but the only things i know is the gang's member become lesser and lesser. The only who member who left inside the gang till the end only six. That's Mike, Anna, Yuan, Jacelyn, Pin and Kei. Just six of them. Thought being kicked out from the gang, but we're still friend. Just not that close compared to last time.
Another problem coming to us. Teng, and Jessie fall in love with the same girl which is Ning. If i am not wrong, Ning got kicked out from the group because she had chosen Jessie to be with her and not Teng. Extra information here, quite a lot of numbers of them prefered Teng more than Jessie. So, i am kinda pity of Ning when i think back. It's not fair though, but... what to do, love make people become brainless.
Third problem now. Some of them gossip about me with those guys. I started to join guys after i knew that i got kicked out because what i think is guy is more trustable for me. And guys often gossip compared to girls. *guys must say thank you to me after read this =)* So, I started to join Melvin (Mel), and Jeremy. Kah Chun and Aufar only sometimes. Most of the times also with Mel and Jeremy. By the way, that time i just broke up with my ex-boyfriend that i know there. The reason we broke up because i got no feeling on him and i felt it's not fair if he's the only one got feeling on me. So, they gossip that i being ''MIANG'' because everytime also they will see me with different guys. *Maybe i choose the wrong momment to talk to my buddy gang, so... i think it's i misunderstood them.* Things didnt settle till the end. This make me felt not fair. But, silence is the best solution for me.
Fourth problem also the last problem, I fell in love with Melvin. Mel treat me very good, and he's like my big brother. This is my first impression of him. After know him longer time, he actually changed to be my rubbish bin. Whenever problem comes to me, the first one i think of will be him. Or, whenever i felt nervous or when i joining some competition, i always hope to get the wishes from him! With his 'good luck', i aint being that nervous. Example, when was about my turn to go for a water activities that called 'rakit', i was nervous. I kept searching for him before competition start, until i saw him and get the wishes from him, only i calm down myself and get ready for the competition. And i realise that i like him after the water activities. I believe that i am not the only one that admire him, and i felt it's better if i be his secret admirer. Things go fine until the day, 25th May 2010. My friend asked him whether he got like anyone here, and he replied yes.
Got once, i realise that the way he look Anna is different from the way he look at those girls. I started to felt that Anna is the one he like. Anna is a good looking + smart girls. She's the type of girls that very cool. The way she talk, and the way she settle things will be Short and Steady. Can't think of any word to describe her other than this 2. So, i know for sure it wont be a chance for me. It's so impossible for me to compete with Anna. Still, the friendship between me and Anna and me and Mel never change. After i back to here, i added everyone i know at kem in facebook. One day, was reading's those post that posted by Mel long long time ago. And a post make me felt even sad. He post there : He dont mind waiting for years for his special one. I knew that i should give up now. But, it's just too hard for me to let go of him.
With him or without him, it still torturing with me. I hope i can forget him as soon as possible. Time is needed, wish that it will be in a short period.
Mel, I love you. But i know the one you love isn't me. And i believe that there's a type of love that call Let Go. Now, I am letting myself go away from you. I wish that you will get your special one soon. I also will try my best to forget you soon. Take care and stay healthy, my love =)
End
-yong-
Now, let's continue the topic of my 3 months PLKN Life. Before that post was about my teachers there, and now, i will talk about my friends there.
I get a lot of new friends there! Everyone come from different places! It's nice and..very nice? That's really my first thought when i be with them. They're all very nice and very friendly to new people or maybe.. the new friends they know.
*shall i mention out all their name? hmm.. should be fine*
Mike, Huey, Teng, Anna, Leng, Jo, Ning, Yuan, and Me. *Chinese + Girls Gang* 9 of us are from Selangor. Selangor reach there earlier a day than those from Perak and Kelantan. We know each other after we finish packing all our things in our own dorm. Some of us get to be in the same dorm, while some not. Anyway! On the second day, we know Jessie, Jacelyn, Liau. 3 of them are from Perak. We all having fun on the first week after knowing each other.
Problem started coming to us on the second weeks. Some of our member hate Leng because they felt she always try to act close with those who not really being close to her. So Leng got kicked. After that, we got to know 4 more friends from Perak which is Kei, YiYi, Pin, and Tieng. After few days or maybe a week, i been the second people who got kicked out from the gang. The reason i got kicked is because I always came out late. I dont know who got kicked after me but the only things i know is the gang's member become lesser and lesser. The only who member who left inside the gang till the end only six. That's Mike, Anna, Yuan, Jacelyn, Pin and Kei. Just six of them. Thought being kicked out from the gang, but we're still friend. Just not that close compared to last time.
Another problem coming to us. Teng, and Jessie fall in love with the same girl which is Ning. If i am not wrong, Ning got kicked out from the group because she had chosen Jessie to be with her and not Teng. Extra information here, quite a lot of numbers of them prefered Teng more than Jessie. So, i am kinda pity of Ning when i think back. It's not fair though, but... what to do, love make people become brainless.
Third problem now. Some of them gossip about me with those guys. I started to join guys after i knew that i got kicked out because what i think is guy is more trustable for me. And guys often gossip compared to girls. *guys must say thank you to me after read this =)* So, I started to join Melvin (Mel), and Jeremy. Kah Chun and Aufar only sometimes. Most of the times also with Mel and Jeremy. By the way, that time i just broke up with my ex-boyfriend that i know there. The reason we broke up because i got no feeling on him and i felt it's not fair if he's the only one got feeling on me. So, they gossip that i being ''MIANG'' because everytime also they will see me with different guys. *Maybe i choose the wrong momment to talk to my buddy gang, so... i think it's i misunderstood them.* Things didnt settle till the end. This make me felt not fair. But, silence is the best solution for me.
Fourth problem also the last problem, I fell in love with Melvin. Mel treat me very good, and he's like my big brother. This is my first impression of him. After know him longer time, he actually changed to be my rubbish bin. Whenever problem comes to me, the first one i think of will be him. Or, whenever i felt nervous or when i joining some competition, i always hope to get the wishes from him! With his 'good luck', i aint being that nervous. Example, when was about my turn to go for a water activities that called 'rakit', i was nervous. I kept searching for him before competition start, until i saw him and get the wishes from him, only i calm down myself and get ready for the competition. And i realise that i like him after the water activities. I believe that i am not the only one that admire him, and i felt it's better if i be his secret admirer. Things go fine until the day, 25th May 2010. My friend asked him whether he got like anyone here, and he replied yes.
Got once, i realise that the way he look Anna is different from the way he look at those girls. I started to felt that Anna is the one he like. Anna is a good looking + smart girls. She's the type of girls that very cool. The way she talk, and the way she settle things will be Short and Steady. Can't think of any word to describe her other than this 2. So, i know for sure it wont be a chance for me. It's so impossible for me to compete with Anna. Still, the friendship between me and Anna and me and Mel never change. After i back to here, i added everyone i know at kem in facebook. One day, was reading's those post that posted by Mel long long time ago. And a post make me felt even sad. He post there : He dont mind waiting for years for his special one. I knew that i should give up now. But, it's just too hard for me to let go of him.
With him or without him, it still torturing with me. I hope i can forget him as soon as possible. Time is needed, wish that it will be in a short period.
Mel, I love you. But i know the one you love isn't me. And i believe that there's a type of love that call Let Go. Now, I am letting myself go away from you. I wish that you will get your special one soon. I also will try my best to forget you soon. Take care and stay healthy, my love =)
End
-yong-
Backiie [ PLKN Part 1 ] ~
I am back to blogspot again!! =D
*Let's welcome me with some clap people!!*
I just came back from the PLKN a week ago. It's was nice and fun experience. I suggest those who interested on outdoor or water activities, go ahead and join! You will get new friends, and understand the meaning of co-operation. I miss some teachers who kinda close to me a lot!
And 2 more higher post teacher that we should call 'Encik' fellow. 1 of them is head of dicipline. Strict during marching, friendly during canteen. I love that 'encik' the most! And, i am the only trainee that he gave his handphone number!! [ That make me so proud! xD ]
There's 2 more 'Tuan" that is higher post than 'encik'. The one who name 'Tuan Sayed' and much older is more friendly compare to the younger one. And another 'Tuan', not really know him. AND! The last one!
The highest post in our camp! Our Camp Commander! Mejar Magathavan a/l Kanapathy! *clapx4* He's our daddy when we was there. Everytime he will be with us no matter we're having outdoor or indoor activities. Even jungle tracking also he went together with us! *shall i mention that he go by van? xD* He's the first time being a commander and we're his first group!
We're so lucky to have him actually! We no need to afraid of the problem of racist between those Malay people with us, Non-Malay!
Anyway! With the helping hand those teachers gave to us, things go much more easier in this 3 months camp. Thanks a lot to them! I love them so much! =)
KEM PLKN TERKOK KUMPULAN 2 SIRI 7/2010 THE BEST!!!
*Let's welcome me with some clap people!!*
I just came back from the PLKN a week ago. It's was nice and fun experience. I suggest those who interested on outdoor or water activities, go ahead and join! You will get new friends, and understand the meaning of co-operation. I miss some teachers who kinda close to me a lot!
And 2 more higher post teacher that we should call 'Encik' fellow. 1 of them is head of dicipline. Strict during marching, friendly during canteen. I love that 'encik' the most! And, i am the only trainee that he gave his handphone number!! [ That make me so proud! xD ]
There's 2 more 'Tuan" that is higher post than 'encik'. The one who name 'Tuan Sayed' and much older is more friendly compare to the younger one. And another 'Tuan', not really know him. AND! The last one!
The highest post in our camp! Our Camp Commander! Mejar Magathavan a/l Kanapathy! *clapx4* He's our daddy when we was there. Everytime he will be with us no matter we're having outdoor or indoor activities. Even jungle tracking also he went together with us! *shall i mention that he go by van? xD* He's the first time being a commander and we're his first group!
We're so lucky to have him actually! We no need to afraid of the problem of racist between those Malay people with us, Non-Malay!
Anyway! With the helping hand those teachers gave to us, things go much more easier in this 3 months camp. Thanks a lot to them! I love them so much! =)
KEM PLKN TERKOK KUMPULAN 2 SIRI 7/2010 THE BEST!!!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
To : Micky [ A Fans Letter. ]
During the end of the year of 2005, my friend told me that she want to show me a very nice drama called "Dangerous Love". I watched it, and I was shock of Hero's look. He's the most beautiful man I ever seen! Haha! That time I keep search the news about him, and also DBSK. After 2 years, I'm not that interested of him as last time. But of course, searching the news of DBSK seems to be a habits for me when I free.
Think so should be the year of 2008, my friend show me another video of DBSK. It's about Micky's feeling to his brother. And that's the first time I started to notice a guy called 'Micky Yoochun'. He love his family. That's the first thought of me to him. He got his good point other than that after make some small small 'research' on him. He's fashionable. He can sing well, and dance well. His smile like a warm sun that will warm people heart. He's a bit sensitive and will cry easily. That's the result I get.
Last year, I accidently found out a blog of him at blogspot. I don't know is it him or might be some people just fake him. But i kept a hope on him and keep waiting him online. Maybe God take pity on me, I get a chance to talk to him. Can't imagine that how happy I was to chat with him. That time, I still remember that he told me :'if only i have a choice, is better not to be park yoochun on stage i don't have intention to make people confused'. I don't get what he trying to say still until today, but i will still leave some comment there when I free even thought he's gone and didnt come back to here again. There's some nice poem that make me always go there. One of my favourite is this, "Falling Apart".
The rain is falling from the sky
And I am alone tears in my eye
I see the sky turns to gray
As my dreams start to fade
Suddenly my mind were blank
That all I can see is dark
Emptiness in my heart
Tearing up every pieces of me
My soul has crashed
And my tears scattered
Every little thing I done
Seems not good enough
I always wrong in their eyes
They never see the good in me
Even it’s not my fault
They point fingers on me
I just want to be free
And express what I feel
I don’t want to hide
So I didn’t run away
But this pain they put in my heart
Never ends; never go away
It was like a gun, shot my heart
I need some light to shine on me
And save my heart from misery
I don’t want to be broken apart
So don’t let my heart falling apart…
I love this the most among the poems he create. =)
This is the poem I create last year. I create it when I saw his mood doesn't look good through his poem. Maybe it doesn't look good, but that's the very first time i create a poem. The title of the poem is 'Smile Always, Micky'
You're the angel of everyone
And also the super star for everyone
You're the hero of everyone
And also the idol for everyone
But one day i saw you crying there
My heart too bleeding there
What can i do for you?
And what should i do for you?
I know i am far away from you
That momment i really hope i am near to you
I too know that's impossible
So i will just support you whenever and wherever
And the last things i wanted to tell you
Cassiopeia will always be there for you
=)
Dear Micky, Hope you will stay healthy and happy always!
-Yong-
Think so should be the year of 2008, my friend show me another video of DBSK. It's about Micky's feeling to his brother. And that's the first time I started to notice a guy called 'Micky Yoochun'. He love his family. That's the first thought of me to him. He got his good point other than that after make some small small 'research' on him. He's fashionable. He can sing well, and dance well. His smile like a warm sun that will warm people heart. He's a bit sensitive and will cry easily. That's the result I get.
Last year, I accidently found out a blog of him at blogspot. I don't know is it him or might be some people just fake him. But i kept a hope on him and keep waiting him online. Maybe God take pity on me, I get a chance to talk to him. Can't imagine that how happy I was to chat with him. That time, I still remember that he told me :'if only i have a choice, is better not to be park yoochun on stage i don't have intention to make people confused'. I don't get what he trying to say still until today, but i will still leave some comment there when I free even thought he's gone and didnt come back to here again. There's some nice poem that make me always go there. One of my favourite is this, "Falling Apart".
The rain is falling from the sky
And I am alone tears in my eye
I see the sky turns to gray
As my dreams start to fade
Suddenly my mind were blank
That all I can see is dark
Emptiness in my heart
Tearing up every pieces of me
My soul has crashed
And my tears scattered
Every little thing I done
Seems not good enough
I always wrong in their eyes
They never see the good in me
Even it’s not my fault
They point fingers on me
I just want to be free
And express what I feel
I don’t want to hide
So I didn’t run away
But this pain they put in my heart
Never ends; never go away
It was like a gun, shot my heart
I need some light to shine on me
And save my heart from misery
I don’t want to be broken apart
So don’t let my heart falling apart…
I love this the most among the poems he create. =)
This is the poem I create last year. I create it when I saw his mood doesn't look good through his poem. Maybe it doesn't look good, but that's the very first time i create a poem. The title of the poem is 'Smile Always, Micky'
You're the angel of everyone
And also the super star for everyone
You're the hero of everyone
And also the idol for everyone
But one day i saw you crying there
My heart too bleeding there
What can i do for you?
And what should i do for you?
I know i am far away from you
That momment i really hope i am near to you
I too know that's impossible
So i will just support you whenever and wherever
And the last things i wanted to tell you
Cassiopeia will always be there for you
=)
Dear Micky, Hope you will stay healthy and happy always!
-Yong-
My National Service (NS) Letter, My Past, New Me.
Today, i received my NS letter. Before i opened it up, there's a lot of things pop out from my mind. Example :
'I will be lonely there, I will celebrate my birthday alone there, My 18 years old birthday will just over like that, My friends and family no one gonna visit me there'
My thinking is totally negative during that time. Tears too drop down without I realise. I always rely on others if something happened to me. I always try to run away from the problem and never try to face the problem. I always blame on others if something goes wrong. I will not admit and face it but choose to denied it run away from it. Maybe i am 18 years old after my birthday, but my mind is always 8 years old.
A kid will not responsible on anything. A kid will be loved by everyone. A kid can choose to blame on others if something happen. A kid can denied when something he did goes wrong. I have all the personality that a kid have.
I don't want to study the course my dad choose for me, because i want to let him know that i dont need him to decide everything for me. Maybe, i purposely choose the course he think that is no future to make him angry. Maybe, i purposely choose mass communication just to let him know that i can still do it without him.
But, i forget something important. I forget that parents only give everything BEST to their children. Sometimes, they might forget about the freedom they should give to their children at the right time, but that is 1 of the way the protect their children. I always think about my parents didnt give me freedom, they like to decide everything without asking me, they dont respect me, and many things else.
I am wrong. Totally wrong now. I am regret at this momment. But no one know. I should study hard since Form 1 to Form 5, but i didnt. I should give up something i interested with during exam, but i didnt. I should study hard during SPM, but i didnt. Now result cames out and my result is worst. I blame on this and that, but i always forget to blame myself.
I really hope that they will forgive me and give me another chance. I will study hard for my Form 6, be more confident to myself, be more descipline, and also be more independent.
Sorry. (SiowYong)
'I will be lonely there, I will celebrate my birthday alone there, My 18 years old birthday will just over like that, My friends and family no one gonna visit me there'
My thinking is totally negative during that time. Tears too drop down without I realise. I always rely on others if something happened to me. I always try to run away from the problem and never try to face the problem. I always blame on others if something goes wrong. I will not admit and face it but choose to denied it run away from it. Maybe i am 18 years old after my birthday, but my mind is always 8 years old.
A kid will not responsible on anything. A kid will be loved by everyone. A kid can choose to blame on others if something happen. A kid can denied when something he did goes wrong. I have all the personality that a kid have.
I don't want to study the course my dad choose for me, because i want to let him know that i dont need him to decide everything for me. Maybe, i purposely choose the course he think that is no future to make him angry. Maybe, i purposely choose mass communication just to let him know that i can still do it without him.
But, i forget something important. I forget that parents only give everything BEST to their children. Sometimes, they might forget about the freedom they should give to their children at the right time, but that is 1 of the way the protect their children. I always think about my parents didnt give me freedom, they like to decide everything without asking me, they dont respect me, and many things else.
I am wrong. Totally wrong now. I am regret at this momment. But no one know. I should study hard since Form 1 to Form 5, but i didnt. I should give up something i interested with during exam, but i didnt. I should study hard during SPM, but i didnt. Now result cames out and my result is worst. I blame on this and that, but i always forget to blame myself.
I really hope that they will forgive me and give me another chance. I will study hard for my Form 6, be more confident to myself, be more descipline, and also be more independent.
Sorry. (SiowYong)
Time Past Fast ~
There's long long time ago for the last time i am here. I still remember, that time i created this blog just to 'follow' yoochun's blog. When talk about this, memory started to flash back to the time me and my online friends chat together with yoochun, yunho and changmin at his blog. There's a lot of topic we have talked about. Like how yoochun 'accidently' told yunho that ahri love him, what yoochun always hope to do, and some others. I was really happy during that night. But after that night, yoochun didnt come back to his blog anymore. He's gone. I will still leave some comments on his blog everytime i free even today, because i always believe that 1 day he will be back to here again. He will felt sad if he realise no one waiting for him there, that's what i thought. Someone told me that he might be fake, but i always choose to believe that he's yoochun. No fake and No real. A normal guy that loves to sing that name yoochun. I believe that. =)
TVXQ, Always keep the Faith. Fighting!!! =D
TVXQ, Always keep the Faith. Fighting!!! =D
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